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Hi i'm looking to upgrade my 1996 rav4 3door to something a little bigger. Boot Space is key. I do a lot of driving up skifields in the winter and outdoorsy stuff all year round. I was looking at something like the subaru outback 3.0L or a toyota caldina 2.0L but reliability is important and was worried about the subaru's reputation and an alternative to the D4 engine of the caldina. It needs to be 4wd and non turbo preferably and relatively new, post 2003. Are either of the above a good option or should I be looking at something else?

High fuel consumption is one of the major issues with the 3.0L Outback. Also bear in mind that a 2003 car is approaching 12 years old, so when you say you're looking for something relatively new, a car of this age is getting on in years so is not without risk from a reliability perspective, and an older Subaru may not be the best as far as reliability is concerned.
The 2.0L Caldina has the D4 engine which also has some known concerns. While the 1.8L Caldina enjoys a better reputation for reliability, these cars are 2WD, so if 4WD is a must-have for you, this wouldn't be an option.
When trying to balance make, model, year, condition and price, it can sometimes be difficult to tick all the boxes, so compromises may be necessary.
Depending on the budget, perhaps a later RAV4 5 door than the '96 3 door one you currently have could be a possibility.

Ok to be more specific what would be your top 3 recomendations for a 4wd wagon/suv around $12k mark 2004 onwards?

Obviously, this is a little subjective as we all have personal preferences. I'm thinking you prefer station wagons rather than SUVs, however there are very few wagons that would meet your criteria, as most of the 4WD wagons are either less well-known Japanese import models or the Audi and Subaru models which can be high maintenance when they get older, hence perhaps a compromise may be called for.
All things considered and as far as reputations for reliability are concerned, perhaps a RAV4, Mitsubishi Outlender or Honda CRV could meet your needs.